Wednesday, January 14, 2009

chilly chill chill

Today is Chinese New Year. The Year of the Earth Ox. This is a calm and focused animal. According to the Chinese calender good things are in store for me. I am expecting great things.....or at least hoping for less turbulent waters this year. Things have some what calmed for me.

I said in my New Years resolution that there would be time made for me. Time to breathe.
Some how I'm not finding time to fit it all in. The last few weeks I've been doing yoga regularly and breathing to center myself, but have found less time to work and journal.
What I really need to do is make my studio a bit livelier. It's a hum drum gray basement at the moment and could really use some jazzing up, so it feels some life.

well until next time.....still in the deep freeze in Chicago.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Map & Field Guide into the Heart of the Butchers Daughter.

I described this book to some of my soul sisters.

It is a book that I've been working on through my greiving process.

As I wrote in my previous entry I've been dealing with the loss of my Father.

This is a picture of him when he was a toddler.

I devoted this book to my emotion.
I poured my heart into it, I cried and sobbed over every entry.
Losing a parent sucks.
Best description for that.

Now Imagine....

My Dad was diagnosed the day
before my son Dylan was born.

As cells of a new little
life were forming.

Evil Cells of Cancer inside of my father were forming as well.

I am now working through excepting this.

On my Fathers Birthday he found out that his body was riddled with Cancer.

The following Day he was supposed to retire. He was diagnosed with Terminal Cancer 3-6 months to live.

It's uncanny how this picture of Dad looks like Dylan.

The one thing I hold near and dear
is an amazing gift I inherited from my Dad. My beautiful Green eyes.

Sorry this is a bit dark. A lot of deep emotion went into it.
As well, each page has ink mixed with tears.
I mean that quite literally.

Most books have a color or an image that is repeated. This is a much more eclectic book. It is more just a raw outpouring of emotion. A place to house those feelings that I could not hold inside of myself. A place of safe haven to come back to and witness what I went through. I figured this was a good was to process what I was going through.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year - New Me!

January 2009 is a new beginning.
I lost my father to Cancer 5 months ago and the new year is significant beginning for me. I vow to uphold my resolutions this year.

1. Put myself first, then the husband, kids, chores, and all other necessary things.
2. Make time for work and play
3. Walk through this Journey with my head held high.
4. Take time to breathe, it's all to often I forget to slow it down.
5. Use my artwork as an outlet. Make time for it weekly as a meditation and realease of positive or negative emotions.
6. Make time for centering myself and yoga....if not daily, a few times a week.

Here's to a happier healthier New me in the New Year.